Oh Yeah? Well My Ogre ♣'s Obama

Llittle Llyspin' Llouie the Llama from St. Llouis has publicly come out in support of Teddy the Whale's favorite, Osama Obama. Shrillary Kkklinton is reportedly seething over the fickle nature of these pack animals and where they invest their spare funds. She was quoted in the Daily KOStard as noting "They all think alike, they all act alike and they all look alike; and you know what I'm talkin' about..."

Hat Tip: Michelle Malkin

Nothin' Up My Sleeve...

The Department of Homeland Security released a primer on mandated new boarding procedures for domestic airline security set to go into effect today. One of these procedures - acceptable attire - was inspired by the clear bookbags made popular after numerous school shooting incidents. "These now-mandatory, transparent vinyl outfits will make it nearly impossible for any terrorist to smuggle in a weapon of any type, and must be purchased at a licensed vendor in the airport/train/cruise terminal (profits to DHS)," said Director Michael Charts-off. "Of course this ONLY applies to the untrustworthy citizens of the US. A DNC delegation of the World-First and Peace at all Costs religion led by Nasty Pelosi, Harried Reed, Dick Turban, Teddy the Whale, and Arlen Specter demanded prior to inflicting this, er, revealing these policies to the public that we continue to enforce the religious freedoms enjoyed by followers of Islam. Therefore, 'splodey-dope women will still be allowed to wear burkas, not use picture IDs and we still plan to take their absentee ballots 'just in case something happens on the plane.' Undocumented aliens stumbled upon by accident wandering inadvertently across our southern border will be immediately released with a Social Security Card, $1000 and an apology provided they are wearing this outfit. If found wearing any other attire, they forfeit the apology."

Photo credit: email from Nikki

The Onion Asks; Did Phillip Phart?

From the looks of the expressions on the horse-faced royal family, Phillip must have dropped an S.B.D. that Mr. Ed would have been happy to claim. I don't think Agatha Christie will be needing to sleuth the answer to this one.

And speaking of the Royals, I heard that Jacko was looking for the return of his wardrobe...

Photo Credit: Unknown Source FW by Nikki

Traveling

I'm taking a week for business/pleasure in the Pacific northwest. While my buds in the south are sweltering, we'll be enjoying some cool temps, and probably some rain (we've almost forgotten what it feels like down in the southeast).

Catch you in a bit.

Absolutely Unbelievable!

Holy Schnikees - Talk about BIG BROTHER watching.

Put in your cell number and see how quickly you can be located.

Whoever is familiar with this technology, please let me know how they do this.

A Few Little-Known Fred Thompson Facts:

- Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.

- Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn't stopped wetting his pants.

- Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator's heart and showing it to him before he died.

- Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.

- Fred Thompson vows not only to win in Iraq but also to forcefully free Vietnam from Communism, thus giving America a perfect win/loss record for wars again.

- Fred Thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.

And my personal favorite:

- Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico. There was no illegal immigration for a month.

Tip of the Chappeau to IMAO

The Farmer's Donkey: A Cautionary Morality Story

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing:
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take another step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!


Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is but a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, and never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

NOW ............
Enough of that “we all can live together in perfect unity, tree-hugger, save-the-whales crap . . .

The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Hat tip for the story: VG

CDC Receives Research Windfall From DUI Samples

Dateline: Atlanta, GA May 30, 2007
CAPT Maurice Finklestein, CDC, informed a breathless mainstream press room that the number of strains of viral and bacterial pathogens collected from the blood alcohol samples taken from Lindsey Lohan have provided a font of research opportunities at CDC that will likely extend their funding through 2050.

He then added, "Kobe; over here - I'm OPEN!"

Photo Credit: AP

A Day At The Beach With Granny Nan

Spelunker of the House, Nasty Pelosi's son demonstrates a critical trait for liberals - the ability to completely suspend even the potential for logic being brought to bare on a problem by completely severing all neurological pathways.

The "family" prides themselves on their highly-developed ability to place their brains in whatever sensory-deprivation receptacle they feel adequate to the individual task. (The usual choice has been a place frequently referred to as "where the sun don't shine," an irony completely lost on the California stalwarts.)

This ability has become even more valuable with Granny Nan as you shall see.

Yepper, they start them young in the Pelosi clan... Little Luis here is seen carefully adjusting his view away from Granny, just out of frame to his left.

Yep, Granny Nan worships Gaia wherever she goes, but most prefers disrobing at the seashore. Her youngest grandson, shown here being forced to observe her in all her Medusa-like glory, has not learned the family ability to eliminate the sight of this offense to nature by removing his head... yet.

Odds are high that the little whipper-snapper will beg to be so taught as soon as he has the vocabulary to ask.

Photo Credit: Personal archives from unknown sources

Harbinger of Things to Come?

One can only hope and pray that this is a metaphor for the DNC primary race. Shrillary KKKlinton, the lead horse's ass in what appear's currently to be a two horse race - would best serve the party's interests if she threw a shoe... that proceeded to hit Barak Osama-bama right between the eyes and took both down.

Photo Credit: Fox Sports