Politics 101

Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

Social Justice: You have two cows. You are disparaged for your overconsumption, so one cow is taken from you and given to the foreigner who has since emigrated here.

Environmentalism: You are strongly advised to lower consumption so that millions more of the world's oppressed can come to America for a better life. And forget cows. You will eat tofu and be damn grateful for it, if you know what's good for you.

— updated by Tim Aaronson and Brenda Walker

Hat Tip to Brenda at Limits to Growth