Friday, August 3, 2007

The Church of the Environment's X Commandments

I. Thou Shalt Have No Other Goddess Before Thy Goddess Gaia.
II. Thou Shalt Not Utter Heresy Against ManBearPig, If Anyone Speakest Heresy Against ManBearPig, Thou Shalt Shun Him.
III. Six Days Shalt Thou Labor For The Democratic Party, But The Seventh Day Shalt Be Thy Day of Rest, And Thou Shalt Honor Thy Goddess Gaia.
IV. Dishonor Thy Mother and Thy Father, For In Their Profligacy They Have Dissed Gaia.
V. Thou Shalt Recycle, Even If Recycling Is Inefficient and Creates More Pollution Than Creating New Products, And Thou Shalt Be Smug In Thy Recycling.
VI. Thou Shalt Buy Thee Hybrids And Thou Shalt Act Smugly ObnoxiousToward All Those Who Have No Hybrids.
VII. Thou Shalt Tithe 40, 50 or 60% of Thine Income To Thy Government, Depending On Thy Bracket, And Rejoice Mightily At Whomst They Decide On Which To Redistribute The Fruit of The Sweat Of Thy Brow.
VIII. Thou Shalt Not Bathe, But Instead, Chant Thou Thy Anti-Bush Slogans.
XI. Thou Shalt Support Abortion, Gay Marriage, Tax Increases, Pre-Natal Problem Correction, Gun Control, Redistribution of Wealth, Intentional Pre-Natal Slaying of the Unwanted, Sex Education, No Strings Welfare, and A Woman's Right to Choose as Long as It Involves Abortion - For These Art Pleasing to the Democratic Party, I mean, Thy Goddess Gaia
X. Thou Shalt Not Question Thy Democratic Leadership, For They Are Holy In The Sight of Gaia and Blessed To Be Infallible In Their Own Sight.

Hat Tip: V da K

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