Thursday, July 10, 2008

New Metaphor for 2008 Election Choices

I just don't think I could find a more appropriate metaphore. I mean, honestly, we're sliding ever closer to November (the bottom of the slide) and I know it's gonna hurt something awful, regardless of which of the two candidates are selected (the grater), and my country's going to be sliced, diced and julienned by whichever party takes control (what'll be left under the grater).
Am I the only one that feels this way about Juanny Mac and the Dali Bama?
Photo Credit: Yikers

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

W Wires Whitehouse For DishTV

Tired of the same old CSPAN and HeadlineNews, G.W. decided to take matters into his own hands today and personally wired the "big house" for 400 channels of sweet, clear, digital signal. Happily, Vlad the Imbiber and his wife were in town and after providing G.W. and Laura advice on the best products to install, the foursome settled in for a "The Girls Next Door" marathon.
Photo Credit: Fun Pic

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Public Service Announcement

You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Several months ago, scientists at Heidelberger's Annual Human Reproduction Conference suggested that the results of recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption. The theory was that drinking beer makes men either turn into women, or at least take on decidedly feminine characteristics.

To test the theory, 100 men were each forced (yeah, right! - ed) a six-pack each of various brands within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, failed to think rationally, talked excessively without making any sense, became overly emotional, argued over whatever crossed their minds, lost their ability to drive, found they had to sit while urinating, could no longer perform sexually, and simply refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Metaphor For Choices In November

Truth in advertising regulations have kicked in, campers. According to a lawsuit ol' Subby filed today, the Republican, Democrat, Green AND Libertarian Parties must all use this photo, this and ONLY this photo when posting any type of print advertisement for the candidate they are foisting on the American voting public. I don't have high hopes of reaching many voters though, since they are more concerned with Britney's emotional state or the latest Dancing With The Stars episode...
Photo Credit: FunPic

Remember Tiger Beat Magazine?

I got this from Army of Mom and found it funny reading her answers. My family passes these "Getting To Know You" surveys around all the time, so here are my answers to AoM's survey.

AoM said...
"can't even remember where I got this magazine, but it is pretty interesting. Called "Movies Rock" thre is a little Q&A on the back page with Bill Murray. The author resurrects a 1967 Tiger Beat interview with The Monkees. They posed the same questions to Murray. I'm going to give it a try:"

How would your mother describe you in one word? Brat*
*My mother has called me that for as long as I can remember whenever I pull one on her.

What is your favorite flower? Don't really think about them that way, but I enjoy buying a bouquet of carnations my wife on my way home from work, especially when there is no reason to get them. They cheer up the room when she puts them out.

What is the most insane question you've ever been asked? "Have you ever made an escape from your submarine at sea?"

What word in the language do you wish you had invented? ludicrous (and I tend to use it too frequently as well.)

Where would you like to live? Anywhere that doesn't have hurricanes, tornados, excessive heat or cold but a nice change of seasons, low cost of living and no property or income taxes.

What is the first quote that comes to your mind? "Nothing is too hard for the man that doesn't have to do it." (Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert)

What animal best describes the kind of (girl) you'd be interested in? Golden Retriever: smart, loyal, beautiful, and easily trainable to do tricks of my choosing

What do you miss about your childhood? The total cluelessness of the reality of having to pay bills.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I'm named after my dad and my great grandfather, both of whom I respect, admire and most importantly like, so I wouldn't change it.

What is the main fault in your character? I don't suffer idiots well.

What is your favorite historical character? Hard to say, probably either Thomas Edison or Benjamin Franklin

Describe how you kiss in one word? Frequently?

What in the world do you least desire? US Constitutional rights for non-US citizens

Finish this sentence, "Happiness is a thing called ..."family"

(Had to agree with you on the last one, AoM, but you were dead wrong on the spinach lasagne...)

What If They Gave A Protest And Nobody Came?

Anti-War activist and potential Obamessiah running mate, Abby Hofman, was less than pleased with the turnout for his "Bush and Cheney Lied, Innocent People Fried;" A Protest Demonstration Extravaganza On The Mall. Said Abby; "What the #*$^ is wrong with the $)*$%^@ younger $&*#(!* generation these days? They don't show any &*%#(^# commitment to a cause and don't *#&^!*# protest like their %#@(^)^ parents did against 'Nam back in the 60's... now THOSE were protests!"

When reached for comment, Sen. (soon to be President for Life) Obamessiah simply stated that "...wasn't the Abby Hoffman I knew."

Photo Credit: don't remember where obtained - will give credit if reminded

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Politics 101

Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

Social Justice: You have two cows. You are disparaged for your overconsumption, so one cow is taken from you and given to the foreigner who has since emigrated here.

Environmentalism: You are strongly advised to lower consumption so that millions more of the world's oppressed can come to America for a better life. And forget cows. You will eat tofu and be damn grateful for it, if you know what's good for you.

— updated by Tim Aaronson and Brenda Walker

Hat Tip to Brenda at Limits to Growth

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

What A Babe!

From the catacombs of all things Jihadi - we present the one, the only, Iranian First Babe - Mrs. MuchPoohed Imadumbjihadi "her"self in all "her" resplendent glory. Sources close to the "big" man (picture above is lifesized) himself suggested that "she" wears the burqha not so much because of religious dictates, but to hide the size of "her" Adam's apple and the quantity of facial and other body hair "she" sports. Your ol' pal Subby ain't planning on ever getting close enough to do a package check on "her" because I hate the smell of used camel. If any of you do, let me know what you find...
Photo Credit: Hurriyet due to Boortz posting the link originally.