CDC Receives Research Windfall From DUI Samples

Dateline: Atlanta, GA May 30, 2007
CAPT Maurice Finklestein, CDC, informed a breathless mainstream press room that the number of strains of viral and bacterial pathogens collected from the blood alcohol samples taken from Lindsey Lohan have provided a font of research opportunities at CDC that will likely extend their funding through 2050.

He then added, "Kobe; over here - I'm OPEN!"

Photo Credit: AP

A Day At The Beach With Granny Nan

Spelunker of the House, Nasty Pelosi's son demonstrates a critical trait for liberals - the ability to completely suspend even the potential for logic being brought to bare on a problem by completely severing all neurological pathways.

The "family" prides themselves on their highly-developed ability to place their brains in whatever sensory-deprivation receptacle they feel adequate to the individual task. (The usual choice has been a place frequently referred to as "where the sun don't shine," an irony completely lost on the California stalwarts.)

This ability has become even more valuable with Granny Nan as you shall see.

Yepper, they start them young in the Pelosi clan... Little Luis here is seen carefully adjusting his view away from Granny, just out of frame to his left.

Yep, Granny Nan worships Gaia wherever she goes, but most prefers disrobing at the seashore. Her youngest grandson, shown here being forced to observe her in all her Medusa-like glory, has not learned the family ability to eliminate the sight of this offense to nature by removing his head... yet.

Odds are high that the little whipper-snapper will beg to be so taught as soon as he has the vocabulary to ask.

Photo Credit: Personal archives from unknown sources

Harbinger of Things to Come?

One can only hope and pray that this is a metaphor for the DNC primary race. Shrillary KKKlinton, the lead horse's ass in what appear's currently to be a two horse race - would best serve the party's interests if she threw a shoe... that proceeded to hit Barak Osama-bama right between the eyes and took both down.

Photo Credit: Fox Sports

An Appropriate Memorial Day Winning Team

Congratulations to NASCAR's National Guard team for their win of the Coca Cola 600. And I'm glad for the nation that it WAS the National Guard team winning on the holiday we've set aside to honor those that have fallen while defending us and our way of life.

Veterans and the families left behind by those who have given the ultimate sacrifice;

My family and I salute you.

Photo Credit: Fox Sports (pages 4 and 22)

Former Democratic President, Jimmuh Cahtuh, American in Name Only (AINO) , lambasted all political leaders that have demonstrated they have a sack-ful recently. According to Mrs. Cahtuh, "Jimmuh's been feelin' poorly lately over how yella-bellied he was durin' his entire stay in DC. He's tryin' to assuage all guilt he feels relatin' to his total and abject cowahdice. And he's a senile ol' twit to boot."

Photo Credit: The Al'qaida Press (AP)

Sunday Afternoon Feel Good Pic

No special story - just one of those pics you run across that make you go "Awwwwww."

Photo Credit: Personal archives - unknown origin

DNC Announces Solution to the "Hillary Problem"

Howie the Dean, speaking on behalf of the Democratic National People's Party, announced today that the Party's leadership had decided on a solution to the problem laid in their lap by front runner Shrillary Rod 'Em KKKlinton. Says the duck, "Since name recognition was nearly 100% and pretty much evenly split among likely non-Party voters between the choices that they:

"hated her,"

"detested her,"

"despised her intensely," and

"would rather be impaled on a 12 foot stake than vote for that bi-yotch."

Party leadership has decided to do the only humane thing and simply pack her in a burlap sap full of rocks and drop her in Lake Erie.

No word yet on the immediate injunction filed by the Green Party due to the damage this would cause to the environment. Keep tuned for this developing story.

Photo Credit: Personal archives from unknown source

A Sad Parallel

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table... everywhere. Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. Others birds were boisterous and loud - they sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night, demanding that I fill it when it got low on food. After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore.

I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now lets see... our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be a citizen automatically.

The illegals came by the tens of thousands:

Our taxes went up to pay for free services.
Small apartments are housing 5 families.
You have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor.
Your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box.
You have to press "1" to hear your own bank speak to you in English.
And people waving flags other than "Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder?

Hat Tip: Nikki

Tinker to Evers, Sully Takes a Chance...

Baseball has something for everyone. Here's the alure it has for Andrew Sullivan...

Photo Credit: SI.com's MLB Phots of the Week

Cheney Family Announces Sponsored Hunt

Dateline; Washington DC:

Today, Mary Cheney unveiled her family's plans to host a Fund Raiser for the 2nd Ammendment Defense Fund. Named the "First Annual Liberal Hunt," specific awards will be made based on baggin' a bed-wetter in any of a wide variety of categories. Among them:

1 - Bestest Known Liberal Bedwetter

2 - Biggest Distribution Paper's Editorial Writer

3 - Highest Doller Value Bank Account

4 - Pert Near Any Lawyer

5 - Celeb With the Most Nation'l Enquirer Articles Written 'Bout 'Em

Extra points will be given for any member of the Senate or Congress that has sponsored a bill that crippled the Armed Forces or any of our other Law Enforcement or Public Safety Agencies.

For more information on how to participate, please contact your local chapter of the NRA. Under no circumstances should you contact an affiliate of Code Pink or Boobs Not Bombs since these clueless organizations still think that "gun control" means taking them from the hands of law abiding citizens and placing them solely in the hands of criminals.

Photo Credit: Neil Boortz' Redneck Scrap Book

Yellow Journalism 101

In a rare moment of admitted self-awareness, the LA Times opened their editorial page with an acknowledgment of how they select stories. Interestingly, all scandals caught that involved liberal politicians were immediately deemed "too small" and thrown back. Any catch that evoked a blame on something that could be even loosely interpreted as resembling a "W" was immediately inflated and placed above the fold.

Photo Credit: The Gargoyle

"Fly the Friendly Skies" Indeed

I can't help but wonder whether this is the result of a "truth in advertising" lawsuit judgement...

Photo Credit: email from Nikki

What can happen when you take a much-needed vacation and your co-workers have far too much free time on their hands.

Photo creit: personal archives