DNC Candidates Hit the Wall

Shrillary Clinton "misspoke" (where I grew up we called it a 'bald-faced lie - but we weren't Dems) about having to duck and cover when she arrived in Bosnia to single-handedly resolve the conflict.

Ballsack Osamabama "misspoke" (where I grew up we called it a 'bald-faced lie - but we weren't protected by the msm) about many of his supported radical-left positions and how his parents met during the Selma marches.

This primary season is extremely entertaining, I mean, how often do we get to watch not just the training wheels but the entire propulsion system fall off during the run?

Photo Credit: LOL Cats

Official "Food of the Senate" Unveiled

Senate Majority Leader, Harried Reed, (Tin-foil Ass-hat, Nevada), announced Thursday that although previously undesignated, the majority party had selected an official food product as representative to Senate legislative efforts due to a 'minor' campaign war chest donation by Armour Meat Products, Inc. Unimpressed, President George W. Bush immediately promised to veto the designation. Said W; "America can no longer afford your dinner bill."

Photo Credit: Baboon Pirates

Dick Morris Lists Hillary's Lies

Former Clinton advisor Dick Morris writes a pretty damning article re Hillary in Real Clear Politics. The entire article is worth the read regardless of who you support.

Excerpt:

"Hillary simply cannot tell the truth. Here's her scorecard:

Admitted Lies

• Chelsea was jogging around the Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001. (She was in bed watching it on TV.)
• Hillary was named after Sir Edmund Hillary. (She admitted she was wrong. He climbed Mt. Everest five years after her birth.)
• She was under sniper fire in Bosnia. (A girl presented her with flowers at the foot of the ramp.)
• She learned in The Wall Street Journal how to make a killing in the futures market. (It didn't cover the market back then.)

Whoppers She Won't Confess To

• She didn't know about the FALN pardons.
• She didn't know that her brothers were being paid to get pardons that Clinton granted.
• Taking the White House gifts was a clerical error.
• She didn't know that her staff would fire the travel office staff after she told them to do so.
• She didn't know that the Peter Paul fundraiser in Hollywood in 2000 cost $700,000 more than she reported it had.
• She opposed NAFTA at the time.
• She was instrumental in the Irish peace process.
• She urged Bill to intervene in Rwanda.
• She played a role in the '90s economic recovery.
• The billing records showed up on their own.
• She thought Bill was innocent when the Monica scandal broke.
• She was always a Yankees fan.
• She had nothing to do with the New Square Hasidic pardons (after they voted for her 1,400-12 and she attended a meeting at the White House about the pardons).
• She negotiated for the release of refugees in Macedonia (who were released the day before she got there).

With a record like that, is it any wonder that we suspect her of being less than honest and straightforward?"

The Hillinator Arives in Tuzla

According to the latest version of the story that Senator Hillary Rectum Clinton is telling - the then first-lady and specially appointed Presidentially Ambassador and envoy to all combat-zones, '...arrived amidst a maelstorm of machine gun fire, incoming mortors, and at least three inbound nuclear missiles that I saw...' attack upon Tuzla. Bailing out of Air Force One to 'protect the lives of the horribly outmatched and under-manned military, Secret Service, media cotillion and uh, oh yeah, my daughter too; I couldn't wait for the mobile stairway so I swan-dived into a machine gun nest. I grabbed a helmet and manned the gun - a ummm, 376 caliber auto with belt feed as I remember - and laid down a withering counter attack. I did this to give those poor troops a chance to regroup. When they didn't, I nearly ran out of ammo, and had to limit myself to single trigger pulls to conserve. Thankfully, the French, German and Russian troops arrived when I was down to a pair of shells and we were able to mop up the remainder of the resistance. Following that, I was able to negotiate a peace between the Bosnians and the Serbs and eliminated the need for armed conflict. Yessir, it was a good thing I was there...'

Photo Credit: Michelle Malkin

Sorry, I Shoulda Kept Him Chained

Ralphie the Wonderdog met me at the door Monday morning with a present. Later reports were that all towns east of us had no Easter baskets delivered, no colored eggs, no marshmallow peeps, squat.

I just can't express my sorrow, >snicker< my unENDING shame >giggle< over this. But I'm sure that he left a hare apparent back at the burrow. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

Photo Credit: email from me son

A "Happy Easter Gift" To My Peeps

Photo Credit: ICANHASCHEEZBURGER

Slogan Sums Up Osamabama Beliefs

"My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it." (Barak Hussein Obama)

I added the emphasis. If this doesn't worry or bother you like it does me, forget that I even mentioned it.

How To Spot a Persian

That cat is, like, really gone, man. Or at least - soon to be...

Photo Credit: Nikki

Floriduh Hillary Supporters Want To Be Heard

Miami voter Eleanor Roosevelt - "Osamabama - Schlamamasama! Hill Clinton is my candidate and I don't think you're man enough to make me change my mind, punk! I don't think I should be penalized by what those damn Chimpy McBushitler crooks did when they made us vote early despite being warned not to do it. Count my vote!"

Photo Credit: email from DMac

Deity Gets Involved In PA Stump Speech

At an outdoor rally near Scranton, PA, Hillary R-C was regaling a mostly sympathetic crowd with stories of the critical part she had played in shaping world events. Specific events claimed were continually growing in importance, leading up to her claim that "...the entire Catholic-Protestant thing would STILL be going on in Ireland, had I not intervened and sweet-talked the two sides into sitting down over a pint of Guiness..." The photo above occured a split second later and multiple individuals in the crowd swear they heard "Damn - Missed!" rumbling from the clouds.

Ms. Rodham-Clinton's campaign staff quickly issued a formal announcement that "...any references to whichever supreme being/deityyou happen to worship being unhappy with Senator Clinton are preposterous." They then proceeded to quickly cancel all future outdoors speaking engagements and have posted new requirements that in all future indoor arenas, she must always be standing in "a safe place on the ground floor, well removed from any windows or other breakable exterior materials." Herself has taken to making mad dashes rapid waddles from arena to waiting limo and vice-versus, anxiously scanning the sky during the scamper.

Photo Credit: Pictures taken at just the right time

'SUE the B@ST@RD!'

It tickles the crap out of me to report that the founder of The Weather Channel is suggesting that al'Gore be sued for fraud. An interesting factoid in the article - Carbon Dioxide makes up about 38 particles per 100,000 in the atmosphere. I guess an increase to 39 or 40 is more warming than an increase in the surface temp of the sun. (I'm still waiting for the "warmers" to come up with ANY kind of logic that explains why man's impact on Earth is causing the same "global warming" and melting of the Mars ice caps... Anyone? Anyone? Buehler?)

Cartoon Credit: PoliticalPartyPoop (I think that artist's credit belongs to Gary Varvel)

Be Among The First To Get A "New" Gore-a-cycle

Global Warming guru and carbon-offset mining billionaire al'Gore is promoting a new line of "green" transportation devices. Promising that they are made entirely by hand by Mayan and/or Inca Indians, the Goreacle has put his personal seal of approval on them and promises that "50% of all proceeds from the sale of these devices will go directly into my carbon-offset fund back home in Tennessee. This way, they are readily available for use whenever and wherever needed anywhere in the world I run into problems in my personal Gulfstream VII."

Photo Credit: Jokaroo

DNC Enacts Fart-Offset Requirements

Unsatisfied with only banning smoking in public places, those wacky Leftards have managed to push though legislation that will soon make farting in public a misdemeanor if you do not employ an "intestinal gaseous catch and recycle" device. Only available from al'Gore Industries, the "fart bag" is similar in concept to the carbon offset scheme, er, concept. While they do not prevent you from letting rip, they will require you to pay a cash value based on the quantity and quality of collected aerosols that will be applied to allow those that have greater flatulence to offset those that don't.

Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated

Ballsack Osamabama Announces Foreign Policy

Tired of the charges that he's "all rhetoric and no substance," Senator Ballsack Osamabama (Leftard- IL, DNC yes-man, and msm-annointed DNC nominee for President - provided all back-room Clinton machinations go awry), went on the offensive today against John McLame.

B.O. announced that "...IF I ever find out that al'Qaida, al'Islam or any other so-called 'terrorist organization' is operating in one of the sovereign nations that was minding its own business before the Bush administration illegally-occupied it and in which we now find ourselves mired in police actions; why, I'll just invite them to sit down with me to tea so that we can discuss their concerns civilly like the intellectuals that we Democrats are. My opponent, on the other hand, will only do this with Hispanics that have crossed our southern border and forgotten their permission papers through no fault of their own. So the choice is up to you, the people of the United blue States over which policy you think is the more rational and comprehensive."

With that, he doffed his top hat and departed with a mouse.

Photo Credit: Personal archives